Disney+ exclusive Zombies 3 is the continuing saga of the sunny town of Seabrook, where everything was awesome until zombies came along, but then they learned to live together and everything was awesome again until werewolves came along, but they learned to live together too and everything was awesome until now, when space aliens come along and – by god, I have no idea how THAT’S going to turn out. Inventory: The Zombies Musical-Comedy Cinematic Universe (ZMCCU) began on the Disney Channel and now migrates to the streaming service, which seems to be the perfect depository for such manic cheapo content. But the ZMCCU – pronounced “zimcue” – likely ends here as a trilogy, lest the series branch into the esoteric realms of merpeople or bigfeet. Now let’s see if it comes to a suitably rousing conclusion.
ZOMBIES 3: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?
The Gist: ZMCCU refresher: Zombies have bright green hair and a pale pallor, werewolves have the filed canine teeth and wild hair of Disney goths and humans are all very clean and cheerful and live in tidy suburbs. E.g., Seabrook, a burg known for peacefully integrating zombies and werewolves and humans – so peacefully, they often break into uptempo song-and-dance numbers right there on the street or on the football field or wherever. I also think the whole town is made entirely of plastic – recycled, of course! We catch up with our intrepid zombie protag, the football hero Zed (Milo Manheim), who’s on the cusp of being the very first zombie accepted into college, like, ever. He’s still going steady with head cheerleader Addison (Meg Donnelly), who’s already been accepted into college and really wants Zed to be accepted into the same college so they can go to college together and be together forever. They go on and on about this stuff, sometimes directly into the camera.
It’s senior year and graduation looms. And since Seabrook is apparently the nation’s cheerleading capital, a national cheer competition also looms. Zed’s feeling the pressure of being the trailblazing college zombie and Addy is all! Fired! Up! But then, with a cheesy Close Encounters of the Third Kind reference, space aliens arrive. “It’s a U-F-WHOA!” exclaims someone, and then everyone stops to dance and sing, because it’s super fun to be invaded. And wouldn’t you know it, the aliens can pop-and-lock with the best of them, hip-hopping down the ramp from their starship. You can tell the aliens from the zombies and werewolves and humans by their bright blue hair and inability to speak using contractions. Did I mention RuPaul plays the voice of their mothership? Well, RuPaul plays the voice of their mothership.
The aliens are quickly integrated into Seabrook, where they learn all about cheerleading, and incorporate levitation and telekinesis into their routines. Stiff competition in the cheer competition looms; has the Seabrook High squad’s UNSTOPPABLE CHEER JUGGERNAUT finally met its match? The aliens also learn about human emotions, such as that thing we call “love,” and also about trust and monogamy and all that shit. Meanwhile, Zed worries about his future and sings about it a lot, and Addy has to endure a real whopper of a twist at exactly the halfway point of the movie, and also sings about it a lot. Will things ever be the same again? I dunno, but the only answer to everything ever is singing and dancing!
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Zombies 3 is a nearly indigestible ultracampy blend of Warm Bodies, Twilight, Star Trek and High School Musical.
Performance Worth Watching: The one bit-player guy who looks like Keanu crossed with Spicoli crossed with Zombie No. 223 from Dawn of the Dead crossed with Phil Hartman playing Frankenstein’s monster on SNL.
Memorable Dialogue: I already gave you the “U-F-WHOA” quote, so let’s go with this one from Addy, who sums up the whole meaning of the whole ZMCCU: “We’re going to win because this squad loves each other, not because we hate anyone else. It’s not who we are!”
Sex and Skin: Oh god no.
Our Take: If you can stop yourself from noticing how so few of these characters have eyebrows that match their hair color – a mighty big ask – you may appreciate Zombies 3 for its relentless OTT qualities: Cheapo made-for-TV visual effects, how everything looks like a sitcom set on a dollar-store budget, catchy musical ditties, above-average dance choreography, and enough nuclear-grade pep to decimate all naysayers who might ever consider the possibility of thinking about uttering a single cynical word. The characters sing, they dance, they deliver lame jokes that are probably intentionally lame because this feels like an exercise in irony, albeit the type of irony that’s post-ironic because it’s underscored by an earnest, uplifting and cheerfully bullish message about acceptance and inclusion. Yes, post-ironic irony. I may have to admit that Zombies 3 confused me enough to inspire such pretzeled logic.
Anyway, I think the goal here is to deliver a don’t-judge-just-hug message in the most broad, stupid and aesthetically garish manner possible. If you don’t get the message, congratulations on attaining the density of a black hole. These films function allegorically, layering pop tunes and primary colors atop the Platonic ideal of American society, asserting how we should work toward building a place where everyone gets along in spite of their differences. Hooray! It’s good to be hopeful. I just don’t know if this is watchable without ingesting vast quantities of psychedelics.
Our Call: Zombies 3 gets an E for Effort, but also an A for Annoying. STREAM IT, I guess, but only if you’re stoned off your nards.
John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.
Stream Zombies 3 on Disney+